It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
