dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
a search helicopter?!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need a beard to bite.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
