I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize