WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
