Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dick very happy bro
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
