Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
