why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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