he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize