too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
