its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
