is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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