This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
