Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
