weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
