I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
