Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
