Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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