Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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