GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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