never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
