I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
