I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
