whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
