You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
