drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
worst night to have a conscience
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
