4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
