it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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