i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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