Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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