At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
