That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
