He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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