Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
