I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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