I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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