Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
