woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
