Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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