batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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