i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you win again, gameday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
