She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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