he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
