and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
