I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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