Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
