That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
