we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
