I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
