Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize