the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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