i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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