Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
pray to the hookup gods
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
