You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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