just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
