if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
