Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
