what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
