I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
