She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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