Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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