So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
