I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
