Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
