If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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