My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
