Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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