I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
