i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Fuck appropriateness.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
