mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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