I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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