I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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