At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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