im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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