so that wasnt chicken after all
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
