Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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