I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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