we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
