ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
