I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
