I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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