Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i now understand why vodka
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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